The Star Wars of Penzance: A Space Operetta
by Very Small Prophet
Summary: The Tatooine Opera Company Presents: Fred Skywalker, Princess Mabel, Obi-wan Stanley and the gang sing their way through Gilbert and Sullivan's "The Pirates of Penzance." Originally written in 1978, when there was only ONE Star Wars movie.
1. Hurrah for the Lord of Sith!

**The Star Wars of Penzance: A Space Operetta**

**Scene 1**

(Scene: _On board the Death Star, _Grand Moff Samuel_ and a chorus of Stormtroopers are celebrating the completion of the space station._)

**_Opening Chorus_**

Zap, oh zap the rebel planet,  
Zing, oh zing the asteroid.  
Into dust we'll turn its granite  
Should a world make us annoyed.

Samuel: For today our great space station,  
All prepared for games and fun,  
Justifies our proud elation  
And its budget over-run.

All: Though its cost ran over budget  
Several billion, we don't grudge it.  
Zap, oh zap the rebel planet, etc.

(_Enter_ Vader.)

Vader: Yes, Governor, you certainly have reason to celebrate. Not only is your delightful Death Star at last fully operational (with the possible exception of the Xerox machine in my office), but I have succeeded in capturing the beautiful Princess Mabel, leader of the Rebellion.

Samuel: I would also point out that you have succeeded in allowing the Princess's droids to escape with vital information. But what complaint do you have about your Xerox machine?

Vader: The recent battle depleted my personal guard, so I ran off some new Stormtroopers this morning. Instead of the usual white, they came out harvest gold.

Samuel: Do you know what a color Xerox machine costs?

Vader: I prefer a standard model.

Samuel: As you wish. Ah, here is your captive.

(_Enter_ Princess Mabel, _escorted by Stormtroopers in gold armor_.)

Mabel: Well, Vader, you've just spent the past few hours enjoying the technological equivalent of sticking bamboo shoots under my fingernails, breaking me on the rack and delicately dipping me into boiling oil (or was it melted lead?)-and you've done it in such a scientifically sophisticated fashion that you haven't even mussed my hair or stained my gown. What next?

Vader: I thought I might try eradicating a few planets, for the sheer entertainment value of it.

Mabel: You fiend! How can you be so evil?

Vader: I've worked hard at it. It's my chosen profession, and at last it's paying off.

_**Song - Vader**_

Oh, better far to live and die  
Under the brave black flag I fly  
Than suffer under a hero's name  
While lusting after a villain's fame.  
Though heroes all are good and true,  
We villains all are well-to-do,  
And I am that character now so rare-  
The blackguard who's wicked beyond compare.  
For I am a Lord of Sith!

All: You are!  
Hurrah for the Lord of Sith!

Vader: And it ith, it ith a thing not to mith  
To be a Lord of Sith,

All: It ith!  
Hurrah for the Lord of Sith!

Vader:  
Just check the posters and T-shirt racks-  
See games and puzzles that tower in stacks-  
Investigate each toy and doll-  
You'll find my visage adorns them all.  
But many a good guy in hat of white,  
Who fights for justice and truth and right,  
Will perish in obscuritee  
While royalties accrue to me.  
For I am a Lord of Sith!

All: You are!  
Hurrah for the Lord of Sith!

Vader: And it ith, it ith a thing not to mith  
To be a Lord of Sith,

All: It ith!  
Hurrah for the Lord of Sith!

* * *

**Librettist's Notes:**

I wrote _The Star Wars of Penzance_ not long after the first _Star Wars_ movie came out in 1977, and have not updated it in any way. I was inspired by hearing about the _Star Trek_ parody based on _H.M.S. Pinafore_ that was created during the final season of the original series. A _Penzance/Star Wars_ pastiche seemed a natural.

I was in college at the time, and had become a G&S fanatic only a few years earlier. I had gotten hooked not by seeing performances or by listening to records, but by reading Gilbert's libretti. I'm a language nerd, what can I say? Writing the pastiche gave me a whole new appreciation of Gilbert's ability as a poet. You don't realize how much is in those verses until you take them apart and put them back together.

Note that, in 1978, the Death Star's cost overrun of "several billion" was an absurdly large amount of money.

The full Space Operetta is thirteen pages, most of it in verse, and, like Gilbert's original, illustrated by the author. I'm posting the scanned illustrations on DeviantART, where I go by janach.

And does anyone know where to track down a copy of the original _Star Trek/Pinafore_ parody? I know only a few lines, and I'd love to read it after all these years.


	2. Climbing Over Rocky Desert

**The Star Wars of Penzance**

**Scene 2**

(_Scene changes to Tatooine. Enter chorus of Jawas._)

**Chorus - Jawas**

Climbing over rocky desert,  
Where the rockes our toes_es_ hurt,  
Please remember that we are the Jawas.  
Please remember we're the Jawas.  
Same thing that our ma and pa was.  
No- Sand people we are not  
No, we are not  
They have faces just like quiches;  
We're a kind of Munchkin species,  
We're a kind, a kind of Munchkin species.  
Garbage men who dress like friars,  
Or like Salt Lake City choirs.  
See this trophy we have got.

(_Enter_ C3PO, _accompanied by_ R2-D2.)

Song - C3PO

I'm a prize that's worth acquiring,  
Stealing, borrowing, or hiring.  
Alien or humanoid,  
Won't you buy a top-notch droid?

Jawas: Alien or humanoid  
Won't you buy a top-notch droid?

3PO:  
There's tradition in my wiring  
Long as you could be desiring.  
Vast improvement I've enjoyed  
Since by Capek first employed.

Jawas: Vast improvement he's enjoyed  
Since by Capek first employed,

3PO:  
Once I played a robot miss  
In Fritz Lang's _Metropolis_.  
But I wish I could erase  
All my work on _Lost in Space_.  
Still, with reverence I obey  
All three laws of Doctor A.  
Where would science fiction be  
Stripped of all its robotry?

Jawas: Here's a prize that's worth acquiring, etc.,

* * *

**Librettist's Notes:**

The biggest problem with turning _Star Wars_ into a G&S opera is the same thing that annoyed me about the films themselves: no women! _Star Wars_ is the very model of a modern movie that violates all three parts of the Bechdel/Wallace Rule. (See: /wiki/Bechdel_Test). So what do we do for a women's chorus?

I used Jawas. Why not? Who knows what's going on under those robes? The Princess is obviously my lead soprano, and I cast C3PO for my mezzo. C3PO is a machine, which has no sex. It can sing in any range necessary. As you'll see later, I had to cop out for a contralto, but I intended to make up for it in _The Mikado Strikes Back_ by giving the contralto role to Darth Vader. Alas, Vader's portrayal of Katisha was never written.


	3. Poor Wand'ring Droid

**The Star Wars of Penzance**

**Scene 3**

(_Enter _Fred Skywalker.)

Fred: You have a pretty good mezzo-soprano, for a droid. I'll take you.

3PO: But what about my counterpart, R2-D2?

Fred With his voice? Forget it! We might as well let our librettist sing:

3PO: But sir, I need him! His memory banks contain all my sheet music. He also tunes pianos, and acts as a metronome.  
(_Demonstrates metronome in_ R2's _head_.)

Fred: I don't know. Aunt Ruth was very specific: if we can get a good mezzo-soprano, a coloratura soprano, and a comic baritone, we'll have the best opera company on Tatooine.

3PO: Also the only opera company on Tatooine.

Fred: I hardly think that was a tactful remark. Wait 'til Aunt Ruth gets hold of you. If you think having a stage mother is bad, try having a stage aunt.

(R2-D2 _lets out a round of beeps_.)

3PO: Wait, sir! R2 says he knows where to find your soprano and baritone.

Fred: How does he know something like that?

3PO: He's also my agent. (R2 _beeps some more_.) He says old Obi-wan Stanley, who lives out by the Dune Sea, sings the fastest patter song in the quadrant.

Fred: What about the soprano?

3PO: He says he'll play her demo _after_ you buy him.

Fred: He's an agent, all right. Okay, I'll take you both, and we'll go audition Obi-wan. But this soprano of yours had better be good. If I can make the Tatooine Opera Company a going concern, Aunt Ruth will let me out of my contract and I can get off this rock.

Song – Fred Skywalker

Does no one have a deed to do,  
A real one, not phantasmagoric,  
A villain vile, or maybe two,  
Requiring bravery sophomoric?  
This world perhaps possesses charms  
For those who wouldn't wear galoshes,  
But I'd give all its sandy farms  
For just one chance at buckling swashes.

Jawas: But no one has a deed to do,  
A real one, not phantasmagoric,  
A villain vile, or maybe two,  
Requiring bravery sophomoric.

Fred: Not one?  
Jawas: No, no, not one!  
Fred: Not one?  
Jawas: No, no-

(R2-D2 _produces a hologram of the Princess Mabel_.)

Mabel: Yes, one!  
Jawas: 'Tis Mabel!  
Mabel: Yes, 'tis Mabel!

Recitative – Princess Mabel

Though I am but a hologram,  
A sham,  
If you will hear my tale of woe  
You'll know  
That any idiot can be,  
For me,  
A hero, 'cause I'm in a jam.

Jawas:  
The question is, would she address  
This plea so vocal,  
Were she not in a hopeless mess,  
To such a yokel?

Mabel: A jam! I'm in a jam!

**Song – Princess Mabel**

Poor wandering droid!  
Though you're but comic relief,  
You play a part  
Dear to my heart.  
Poor wandering droid!

Poor wandering droid!  
Follow my scheme with élan.  
To this princess  
In dire distress  
Bring any poor hero you can!

Bring my own leading man.  
Bring any good guy you can!

Jawas: Bring her own leading man.  
Bring any good guy you can!

**Librettist's Notes:**

The comment about letting the librettist sing is not in reference to me (I _can_ sing, though I don't have a trained voice) but to Gilbert, who claimed he knew two songs, "One is _God Save the Queen_ and the other isn't." I sometimes wonder if this was true, or if was just his way of making sure he never trespassed on Sullivan's territory


	4. We Have Missed Our Opportunity

**The Star Wars of Penzance  
Scene 4**

(Mabel _disappears and the Jawas exit._ Obi-wan _enters._)

Fred: Obi-wan! We were just going to go look for you. But what good will it do to audition you if I can't get the Princess Mabel, too?

Obi-wan: But I know where to find the Princess.

Fred: You do?

Obi-wan: Yes, she's being held captive by the evil Lord Vader aboard his Death Star space station. Will you come with me to rescue her?

Fred: I wouldn't stay behind for all the Coke in China! But how do we get off this wretched planet?

Obi-wan: Fortunately, I know of just the space pilot for us. Here she is now.

(_Enter_ Aunt Ruth.)

Fred: Aunt Ruth! How did you get to be a space pilot?

Ruth: The exigencies of the plot required it. Every Gilbert and Sullivan opera has to have an unattractive middle-aged contralto. Chewbacca is too handsome, and Han Solo sings bass, so that leaves me. Now get into my spaceship, and we'll be at the Death Star before Obi-wan can sing half a patter song.

(_They all exit. Scene changes to the Death Star.  
Enter stealthily, in a row_, Fred, Mabel, 3PO, _and_ Ruth.)

**Recitative - Fred Skywalker**

Come, the rescue's nearly finished;  
Vader's chances are diminished  
If we get away.  
Searching for us are Stormtroopers,  
Armed with electronic snoopers.  
Ladies, do not stray!

(Fred _continues offstage._)

Women:  
Yes, the rescue's nearly finished;  
Vader's chances are diminished  
If we get away.  
Searching for us are Stormtroopers,  
Armed with electronic snoopers:  
No, we will not stray!

(_Enter six Stormtroopers behind the women and grab them._)

Women: Too late!  
Troopers: Ha! Ha!  
Women: Too !ate!  
Troopers: Ha! Ha!  
Ha! ha! ha! ha! Ha! ha! ha! ha!

**Ensemble**

Troopers:  
You have missed your opportunity  
Of escaping with impunity,  
So return to the security  
Of your cell for all futurity.  
You shall once more be incarcerate,  
All your hopes for freedom desolate,  
And within that penal cavity  
You will experience our depravity.

Women:  
We have missed our opportunity  
Of escaping with impunity;  
We'll return to the security  
Of our cell for all futurity,  
We shall once more be incarcerate,  
All our hopes for freedom desolate,  
And within that penal cavity  
We will experience their depravity.

**Librettist's Notes:**

Ah, the difficulties of turning a nearly all-male story into an opera! It would be easy if I were parodying Benjamin Britten, but this is Gilbert and Sullivan. Luke's Aunt Beru was the only one available for my Formidable Contralto, so she gets Han Solo's job. I never liked Han Solo anyway. I also need her to fill out my meagre excuse for a women's chorus.

This section contains another sign of the piece's 1970s heritage: Fred's reference to "all the Coke in China." Coca-Cola had just gotten its franchise to sell soft drinks in Red China, as we called it then. This was big news at the time; by referring to current events I follow the model of my poetic guru, W.S. Gilbert. "Ohhh, Captain Shaaaaw...!"

Coming up next, the patter song!


	5. The Patter Song!

**The Star Wars of Penzance  
Scene 5**

(_Enter_ Samuel.)

**Recitative - Princess Mabel**

Hold, monsters! Though for liberation we have tried  
And failed, this setback we perceive as slight.  
For bear in mind that we've the Force upon our side,  
And we're protected by a Jedi Knight.

Samuel:  
This news, my dears, won't put us to the flight.  
I don't believe he is a Jedi Knight.

Women: Yes, yes, he is in fact a Jedi Knight!

(_Enter _Obi-wan _followed by _Fred.)

Obi-wan: Yes, yes, I am in fact a Jedi Knight!  
Samuel: For he is a Jedi Knight!  
All: He is! Hurrah for the Jedi Knight!  
Obi-wan: And it is, it is a bit of all right  
To be a Jedi Knight!  
All: It is! Hurrah for the Jedi Knight!

Song - Obi-Wan Stanley

I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.  
I've information esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right.  
I know the Lords of Barsoom, yes, and all the damsels in distress  
From Jane to Dejah Thoris, each one in her most distressing mess.  
I am very well acquainted too with matters Ellisonian;  
It's good there's just one Harlan, so don't try to sneak a phony in.  
I know Andre Norton's gender, at least when her pants, she has 'em off,  
(Has 'em off, has 'em off… You all know what I'm going to rhyme with has 'em off!)  
And in my sleep I quote whole books from Heinlein and from Asimov.

All: And in his sleep he quotes whole books from Heinlein and from Asimov.

I'm up-to-date on Moorcock, near as well as mortal man can be,  
And can chant the incarnation-list of Elric of Melnibone.  
In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,  
I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.

All: In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,  
He is the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.

I know our mythic history, J.R.R's and Evangeline's;  
I understand "2001" right down to all the final scenes;  
I can trace across two worlds the roots of Leonard Nimoy's pedigree;  
_Space: 1999_ you will be glad to hear, I never see.  
I understand LeGuin, which goes to show I'm intellectual,  
And can prove in Freudian terms that Conan's really homosexual.  
I've not quite finished _Dune_; even for me some books are just too long,  
And I whistle my own theme but never sing a _Close Encounters_ song.

All: He whistles his own theme but never sings a _Close Encounters_ song.

I can work out the relationship of Elvish script to cuneiform,  
And tell you every detail of Kit Canterbury's uniform.  
In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,  
I am the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.

All: In short, in matters esoteric, strange, arcane, and quite all right,  
He is the last example of a sage and antique Jedi Knight.

**Librettist's Notes:**

More than thirty years after the fact, I feel it necessary to apologize for some aspects of the pattersong. If I were doing it today I'd make sure all the rhymes were properly tri-syllabic, and that the stress always fell in the right place. It was my first pattersong. I was less sensitive, in those days, to the ghost of Gilbert glaring over my shoulder insisting that I keep working until I get it right. But it was pretty good for a first try, and there are still some bits in it that please me.

Only a couple of the references should be too obscure of the truly fanatic fan. In the line about "our mythic history, J.R.R.'s and Evangeline's," the second name is that of Evangeline Walton, who wrote a tetrology of fantasy books based on the Welsh myths of the _Mabinogion_. It doesn't really deserve to stand next to _The Lord of the Rings_, which is a great work of literature, but there isn't any modern epic fantasy that does. Walton bears the comparison better than a lot of them.

I hope some people out there will understand "Kit Canterbury's uniform." Kit Canterbury was the founder and guiding spirit of Puget Sound Star Trekkers, a group which had branches all over Western Washington in the 1970s. I was one of the founders of Outpost 13 in Bellingham. Any other PSST folks out there remember that ferry ride to Bremerton on Halloween? I still have the sketches I made.


	6. A Bit Player's Lot

**The Star Wars of Penzance  
Scene 6**

(_Enter_ Vader, _with his light saber activated._)

Vader: You may be knowledgeable, Obi-wan, but you were never much good in an actual fight.

(Obi-wan _activates his light saber. He and _Vader _duel.  
The Stormtroopers leave the women to help_ Vader. _The women try to escape off stage, but_ Fred _hesitates. _Vader _is getting the better of_ Obi-wan.)

Obi-wan: Wait! Have mercy! Have you ever known what it is to be an orphan?

Vader: I may be evil, but even I wouldn't perpetrate _that_ routine on an audience.

(_He runs_ Obi-wan _through with his saber_. Obi-wan _collapses dramatically, eventually ending with his feet and arms in the air like a dead bug_.)

Fred: Obi-wan! No! (_He tries to rush back_. Ruth _restrains him_.)

Ruth: Let's go, kid. Don't intrude on the old man's big death scene.

(_All exit. Scene changes to the fourth moon of Yavin_.  
Biggs _enters, with a chorus of X-Wing Pilots, and_ Mabel.)

Mabel: Gentlemen, the Death Star is approaching our base and will be here to eradicate us at any moment, Led by my heroic Fred Skywalker, one of you pilots will do the glorious deed of wiping that over-grown Skylab from the face of the universe.

(_Exit_ Mabel.)

Biggs: Yes, and I have a sneaking suspicion I know who is going to do the glorious deed and who's going to get wiped.

**Song - Sergeant Biggs**

Biggs: When the hero puts the kibosh on the villain  
X-Wings: On the villain,  
Biggs: You will find that many others try the same.  
X-Wings: Try the same.  
Biggs: But although our hearts are staunch as they are willin'  
X-Wings: They are willin',  
Biggs: You must search the credits close to find our name.  
X-Wings: Find our name.  
Biggs: Our feelings we with difficulty smother  
X-Wings: 'culty smother,  
Biggs: For being vaporized is hardly fun.  
X-Wings: Hardly fun.  
Biggs: Ah, take one consideration with another  
X-Wings: With another,  
Biggs: A bit player's lot is not a happy one.  
All: Being left with just a death-scene isn't fun.  
Isn't fun.  
A bit player's lot is not a happy one.  
Happy one.

**Librettist's Notes:**

Instead of dumping Han Solo, couldn't I have given him the Sergeant's role? It never occurred to me, but it wouldn't have worked because it didn't fit the structure of the opera. G&S buffs may have noticed that the songs in my pastiche follow the same order as in _Pirates_. Gilbert knew how to structure a play; I don't. I was quite the _Star Wars_ fanatic, but I was even more fanatical about Gilbert and Sullivan. _Star Wars_ fanaticism wore off; G&S fanaticism didn't.

Skylab is another 1970s reference.


	7. Finale: We've Struck it Rich!

**The Star Wars of Penzance  
Finale**

Chorus of TIE Fighter pilots (_off stage_)

A rollicking band of pilots, we  
Who, zooming through space so fancy-free,  
Will zap any X-Wing that we see  
With lasers bright and flashing.

Biggs:  
Look out! The TIEs appear to guard their station.  
What made us pick this for our avocation?

Chorus of TIE Fighters (_nearer_)

We fly along at a goodly clip,  
And when we hear our computers blip,  
Identifying a rebel ship,  
We'll give it such a thrashing!

X-Wings: Identifying a  
TIEs: Rebel ship,  
Identifying a  
X-Wings: Rebel ship,  
Identifying a Rebel ship,  
We'll give it such a thrashing.

Biggs: They come in force, with deadly arms.  
The prospect isn't one that charms.

Chorus - TIE Fighters

With ships so new  
And lasers up-to-date,  
You'll find it's to  
The past that we relate.  
Though our ray guns  
Would make Buck Rogers green,  
We're really sons  
Of nineteen-seventeen.

X-Wings: Kazoom, kazam!

TIEs: With barrel-roll and loop-the-loop,  
Upon our enemies we swoop.  
Dogfights in outer space:  
They would throw a scare on  
Snoopy and the Baron.  
History we re-trace,  
Each of us a Fokker ace.

X-Wings: Kazoom, kazam!

(_Enter_ Fred.)

Fred: Hush, hush, not a word! I feel a presence now:  
Old Obi-wan returns-don't ask me how.  
TIEs: What's this? Old Obi-wan returns?  
X-Wings: What's this? Old Obi-wan returns?

(_Enter _Obi-wan.)

Obi-wan: Yes, yes, old Obi-wan returns!

Solo - Obi-Wan Stanley

Though zapped into oblivion  
By Vader's deadly blade,  
Observe that I am living on,  
A most substantial shade.  
This climax grand I could not miss,  
Though I confess I'm "late."  
It's only via osmosis  
That I'll participate.

Pilots: He will participate-hoo-ha!

Obi-wan:  
So, I am here-  
Please have no fear,  
My young and foolish friend.  
For with the Force  
I'll guide your course  
Into a happy end.

Ballad - Obi-Wan Stanley

Skill and wit and lots of practice  
Will not win the day.  
Just the opposite, in fact is  
Now the only way.

Pilots: Only way.

Obi-wan:  
Feel the vibes and trust your feelings,  
Put your brain on low.  
Heroism's easy dealings,  
Going with the flow.

Pilots:  
If you put your brain on low  
You'll be going with the flow.  
Silly boy, with vibes to guide you;  
Intellectuals deride you.  
Here's an addle-pated kid,  
Taking orders from his id.

(_At_ Obi-wan's _urging_, Fred _switches off his targeting computer.  
Enter_ Mabel, 3PO, _and_ Ruth.)

Women:  
Now what is this and what is that and why in Fred's computer off?  
His heroism none can doubts but at this move we freely scoff.  
Does he suppose that he can win without its cybernetic aid?  
The Force is very well and good, but we confess we're much afraid.  
What strange compulsion made our Freddy switch his own computer off?  
At his intelligence and wit we feel we're very right to scoff.

(_Enter _Vader.)

Vader: Once I am through, these rebels will be dead!  
Women: It's Vader-it's Vader! Watch it, Fred!  
Pilots: Yes, it is Vader: watch it, Fred!  
Obi-wan: (to Fred) Now's your chance to be a hero!  
Don't blow it now, you nerd, you zero!  
Mabel: Freddy, save us!  
Fred: Beautiful Mabel,  
I'm only a farm boy; I am not able.  
Pilots: We knew from the start that he was not able.

Vader: Oh, rebel fool,  
Forget your vain resistance.  
You've lost your cool,  
And also your existence.  
This is the end  
Of your grand revolution.  
Your hopes suspend  
Of happy resolution.

Mabel: Fred has bombed out-for him I guess that's par.  
Women: Oh, darn it!  
Mabel: Does nobody remain, our foes to bar?  
Women: Oh, darn it!  
X-Wings: We're heroes too-at least we think we are.  
Women: Oh, rapture!  
X-Wings: Now in our opportunity to star!  
Women: Oh, rapture!

(X-Wing Pilots _attack._ Vader _and_ TIE Fighters _shoot them down_.)

Pilots: The bad guys win-it seems a sin-  
But that in the way life goes.  
For likelihood abhors the good,  
As every criminal knows.

Biggs: But realism, as you surely know,  
Is banned most strictly from this sort of show.  
Vader: You can't deny we beat you fair and square,  
Biggs: But you forget the color hat you wear:  
The villains lose (they always lose)-this cliche we must bear.  
Vader: We lose?  
X-Wings: You lose-  
You have to lose; this cliche we must bear.  
Vader: Your pleas have touched our actor's souls,  
Because, with all our faults, we know our roles.  
X-Wings: It's true: with all their faults, they know their roles.  
All: Yes, yes, with all their faults they know their roles.  
Obi-wan: We've won the day-it was a piece of cake!  
Ruth: One moment! There's a sequel here at stake!  
Without our villains we would feel a lack.  
We will need them when The Empire Strikes Back.  
Women: We'll all cash in when The Empire Strikes Back.  
Obi-wan: Well, Vader, it appears that you're in luck  
Because, with all our greed, we want to make a buck.

Recitative - Obi-Wan Stanley

We'll see you soon, Vader. If you are wise,  
You'll make investments just as I advise.  
Forget Standard Oil and Boeing and Xerox,  
And put your money in Twentieth Century Fox.

Finale

We've struck it rich!  
And if you count merchandising,  
There is much more  
Profit in store.  
We've struck it rich!

We've struck it rich!  
Thereby beginning the mode:  
Every new flick  
Is science fic,  
But we're the mother lode.

Curtain

**Librettist's Notes:**

So that's _The Star Wars of Penzance_, my first Gilbert and Sullivan filk-opera. It was never staged, but there's no reason it couldn't be. Even the dogfight would be easy: just hang X-wing and TIE fighter cut-outs on the members of the chorus and have them dance around.

Yes, there is a sequel, _The Mikado Strikes Back_, but I never completed it. I will post the fragments soon.


End file.
